11-26-08 I know, it’s been quite a while since I last shared with you how things are going for us. We had the change in the web page – it’s a great change, don’t you think? – which closed us down for a while then my schedule got so hectic I just didn’t take time to write. I apologize for being so lax and appreciate those of you who have asked when the blog would start again.
We have made it through some major events since my last posting. Eric’s birthday was in September and my family got together that day to celebrate my niece Nikki’s birthday. They were gracious enough to celebrate that event a little early in an attempt to give me something to do that day other than cry! It can be difficult to realize that day will forever be special in my heart but there won’t be any need to buy a card and there won’t be anyone to tease or make a special dinner for. It’s strange how you can celebrate a particular day for so many years and then suddenly the reason you celebrated is gone.
Nathaniel turned 21 the second of October and while Megan planned a great surprise party for him, someone was missing and we all knew it. It was the same feeling at Harvest Home and Hallelujah Night that month. The days were fun filled and went well, but we missed Eric’s normal contribution. Harvest Home was possibly his favorite Sunday of the year. Food, fun and time to talk to everyone while enjoying beautiful weather (which he always trusted God to give us!) along with a chance to ride his motorcycle to help stop traffic for the hayride – well, a day doesn’t get any better than that! He was my biggest supporter as we planned and enjoyed Hallelujah Night and boy did I miss that this year. He didn’t open with prayer, he didn’t check on me throughout the evening, I didn’t get that wink and smile from across the bon fire that I’m used to and he wasn’t there to usher me home and help me unwind. I’m so thankful for a great staff that made sure things went well because my mind was not quite as focused as usual.
In November our family has 9 events to celebrate, not including Thanksgiving; six birthdays – one of which is mine – and 3 anniversaries – one of which is ours. Needless to say, this month has been an emotional roller coaster.
Our anniversary was the toughest by far. I think it’s next to impossible for me to put in words what a struggle that day was for me. There was nothing anyone could do to “fix” it and I experienced the kind of sadness that feels like it’s in your bones, part of your whole being. Of course, it had to be on a Sunday and just going to church without him that day was tough in itself. I so appreciate those of you who helped by just being considerate of my heart that day. My family was wonderful and gave me some bright spots and good memories. Nathaniel left a note on the table for me that morning and he and Megan had breakfast with me. After church Christy brought me yellow roses from all the kids. She came into the room with them and we both burst into tears and just hugged each other. No words were necessary. Christopher and Kristyn brought Aubri and Lulu to visit that evening and Sam and Jack brought me chocolates and a visit from their parents. Shelley called from her Florida vacation and the rest of my family was ready to rescue me if I sent out an SOS. What a blessed woman I am.
Mom had reconstruction surgery on my birthday so that kept us occupied the first part of the day. Dad, Joyce, Nathaniel, Christy and I spent time together in the waiting room then when mom was released, I went to Aveda where my daughter gave me a facial (thanks Phil and Heather!) then it was off to Easton for a little shopping before the kids and I all met at Mongolian Barbeque for a great dinner where they presented me with a certificate for a massage!! Can you think of any gift more appropriate for someone dealing with stress? Again, what a blessed woman I am. I missed my best friend all through the day and not getting a card from him or having him smother me with kisses and wonderful words left a void I’m not sure will ever be filled. But, I’m grateful for family and friends who do their best to help me walk through this unfamiliar and lonely territory.
So many of you have been thoughtful, helpful and more than considerate through these times. You’ve sent cards, shared your smiles, offered hugs, prayed and encouraged me. You have allowed me to be less than on top of things and forgiven me when I haven’t handled things as they should have been. You have been patient when I haven’t returned phone calls or e-mails in a timely manner and
have been kind enough not to tell me when I’m not exactly in tune with what’s going on J. Thank you; all of you.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Thus begins a season of celebration, family and traditions. No doubt the VanBuskirk family will have its ups and downs through the next several weeks. We have traditions that are now not quite as much fun. We have special times that will be a little empty. Shopping takes greater effort. Planning can seem pointless. Laughter is a little less frequent and decorating seems out of place. But we have Jesus and He’s helping us adjust. We will be changing a few traditions. We will perhaps be a little more subdued. But celebrate we will. Through tears, sorrow and pain if necessary but, we will celebrate because God has given us plenty of reasons to. God is alive and so is Eric when you get right down to it! God also says that someday “He will swallow up death forever, And the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces;” (Isaiah 25:8 NKJV). That’s a promise worth celebrating.
Thank you for your continued prayers. In some ways we are making strides forward and in others the wound is as fresh as it was 9 months ago. The Grief Share class I’ve been taking says that’s part of the normal process. I’m grateful to know so many are praying for our healing, especially through the holidays. Our THANKS to you during this time of GIVING is a reminder from Hebrews 6:10:
For God is not unjust to forget
your work and labor of love
which you have shown toward His name,
in that you have ministered to the saints,
and do minister.
I’m thankful to be able to tell you my mom is doing great. Her surgery went as planned and she’s been staying busy ever since. God has once again taken good care of her! Thank you for asking about her so often.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving to the fullest. Look around your table and thank God for everyone who is there and take time to tell them how much you care about them. If you are alone, invite someone to have dinner with you. Make the day as thank-full as you can (right, Pastor Aaron?). To quote the old song, “Gather together and ask the Lord’s blessings”. Happy Thanksgiving.
JEV 