Up, Down or in Circles?

While attending the Women of Faith conference in Columbus in May, not only did I learn good things from some great teachers but there was also a little something I learned from myself!  It’s almost embarrassing to share, but hey, it’s just me and you, so why not?!

With 10,000+ women in one location the crowd can be pretty thick and trying to move around, especially when there is merchandise available for purchase, can be a time-consuming task.   When we would all be coming in or going out at the same time, the escalators would all flow in the same direction; instead of one going up and one down they would change several locations so both would be going down (or up).

During one break I went to visit with my grafted-into-the-family daughter-in-law (she didn’t have a choice in that grafting by the way!) who was sitting in a section below ours.  I left in enough time to get back to my seat before the session started and worked my way through the crowd.  I made it to the escalators and decided I’d walk up the stairs instead of ride.  What I had forgotten was that there was actually a “club house” level between the floor I was on and the one I needed to get to so when I got to the top of the stairs, I was on the wrong level and had to turn around and go back down because that’s where the stairs stopped.

I didn’t mind; a bit of exercise feels pretty good after sitting in stadium seats because their designers and financiers don’t think you need any space for your legs while sitting!  Stretching felt pretty good.  On the way down the steps I noticed two of the escalators were rather crowded but the one closest to me wasn’t busy at all so I descended the last step, rounded the corner and got on that escalator only to realize when I got to the top I was right back where I had started!  That particular escalator only went to the ‘half’ level just like the steps did!  Once again, down the steps I went!  My goodness, how many times can you get it wrong?!

I wonder how many times I have done that spiritually – gone around in a circle just using a different method each time around.  Sometimes I end up going around again because I’m pretty sure I know what was wrong the first time so I don’t stop to really analyze things.  Sometimes I’m just determined I can figure this out without any help.  Sometimes I’m busy concentrating on what others are doing and figure I need to take a different path (so I can be different from the masses) or take the same path (so I can be the same as everyone else).  On my spiritual journey, I don’t always take the time to get my directions from the Director.  Not a bright move.  Thankfully, just getting the wrong escalator or taking the wrong set of steps in an arena isn’t a major problem.  However, in life, going around in circles can be frustrating and damaging.  I sure hope I (we, because I’m sure I’m not the only one in this learning curve) learn to take our directions from the Director before we start moving.

This type of circle is typical of working through grief, but not, I’m sure, exclusive to grief only.  How many times have you lost your temper and promised you’d control yourself next time?  How many times do you keep giving your heart to the same type of person you know isn’t going to value the gift?  Are your priorities out of balance yet you never seem to make changes?  Do you find yourself going in circles with your diet and nutritional choices?  Does gossip always seem to come out of your mouth before you even realize it?  How many times must we repeat the same lesson – in one form or another – before we can move on to another level?

In learning to live as a widow (gosh, I hate using that term in reference to myself) I feel as though I am on an escalator that only takes me halfway to where I want to go which means I need to go back down the steps and start up all over again.  It’s a process and sometimes I make it a step higher than before and sometimes I fall backwards a few steps and have to regain ground.  The key is to not quit.  No matter how hard it is to get out of bed, do things alone, try to fix something broken, feel empty, make a decision or figure things out on my own, I can’t quit.  If I’m still alive, God has a plan for me; there’s something for me to do so I can’t quit.

That’s true for you and your situation, whatever it is.  Don’t quit.  Keep going.  When you’re tired or confused, take the escalator instead of the steps!  God will carry you when you have a willing heart but are just too tired to take another step.  Count each step higher as an accomplishment and congratulate yourself for making it there.  You’re Director is right there with you giving you instructions and being excited that you want to keep on trying.

When the crowd is closing in and you are going in the wrong direction, stand still and shout for God the Direction Giver and watch what He can and will do with a willing heart.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.      Psalm 32:8