Year #3

I guess it’s only natural that tonight would be a night of remembering. Some events are just like that; you remember the sights, the sounds and the people, maybe even the smells or the placement of certain objects.  Sometimes you remember the words spoken and sometimes remembering brings back the feelings and it’s as if you are there all over again.

Today is the anniversary of the last time I heard my husband say, “Good morning.  I love you.”  I haven’t heard those words for three years.  That’s over 1,000 days and for a lady who used to hear “I love you” multiple times a day, it’s a really long time.  I cherished hearing it said for 28+ years and I cherish it still.  I’m so glad Eric and I did not just assume the other knew they were loved but we made sure to show that love by our actions and our words.

Not one of us knows how long we will have to spend with those we love.  I know 50 more years would not have been enough for me and yet I had more time than others.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone.  We really need to make the time count as best we can.  Every day we are leaving a legacy; let’s make sure it’s the kind we want.

Choose your battles wisely.  Say I love you often.  Laugh every day – multiple times……and at yourself when appropriate!  Help someone else with no perks for yourself in mind.  Remember patience is a virtue (Galatians 5:22 NCV) and a soft answer is usually a better tool than flying into a rage (Proverbs 15:1 NKJV).  Be honest (Proverbs 12:22 NKJV) and kind (Galatians 5:22) and remind yourself that having the most ‘toys’ doesn’t mean you’re the better person.

Make prayer a part of your day, every day (Psalm 55:17) and remember  you are not here by your own design but by Divine design.  God has you on this earth for a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11) and He’s anxious for you to know how much He loves you (John 3:16).

I know there is an Eternity and Eric has already started his journey there.  Someday, oh someday, I will be there and so will my family and friends and life and time will take on a whole new meaning for all of us.  This life is not the icing on the cake, it’s just the cake batter – the preparation.  Don’t live as though this is all there is.

Three years ago I became a widow (I still don’t like that word). Almost three weeks ago my brother-in-law, Eric’s brother Nick died, and his wife has started her walk on the path of widowhood.  Several friends have been through some hard loss in the last several months and some are facing it in their near future.   One thing I have learned about death in a very personal way is that the grief it brings is not always a cut and dried neat little package.

I do not cry daily as I did three years ago, but I still cry.  I don’t lie awake nights or feel as though a weight is bearing down on me zapping all my strength throughout the day, but there are still times I am overwhelmed with my loss.  I have learned how to keep going but sometimes my heart is in the past.  Grief is tough and I think the more you loved, the tougher it can be.  Be gentle with those you know who are dealing with loss; your love and care can make a world of difference.  I know because I have had some of the best love and care a person could ask for.

So tonight I say, “Good night, Handsome.  I love you.  I would love to hear you laugh again.  And pray – how good it would be to hear you pray!  But I know some day I shall.”

Are you lonesome tonight?  Do you miss me tonight?

Are you sorry that we are apart?

Does your memory stray to a bright sunny day  when you kissed me and called me sweetheart?