It’s a Journey

Recently some friends and I were chatting about a book we plan to read in which the premise is that each person in the story would learn approximately how long their lifespan would be.  An interesting concept, indeed.  Would you want to know?  Would you open the box and find out if yours was to be a long or short life?  Do you think you would have answered that question any differently 10+ years ago?  If you were (or are) young and just jumping into all things adult, would you want to know how many years you were going to have to enjoy it all? 

This week marks 15 years since Eric started the next part of his journey.  I say it like that because we are truly spiritual beings on a human journey rather than just human beings on a spiritual one.  What we see around us is not our last stop on the journey! Thinking about the above mentioned book, there were definitely times I wished I could know when the grief journey would end.  Or even IF it would end.  There were times 15 days into the future seemed far away and 15 years was too far down the road to even fathom.  But, now we’re here.  

Lots of things have happened in 15 years. Some very difficult things and some unexpected pleasures. Some confusing things. The world is not the same as it was in 2008 and in many ways might be almost unrecognizable to those who haven’t been around since then.  But what I’m thinking about this week is how much I am enjoying life. Not just tolerating it, or enduring the days, or living in the past more than the present.  Fifteen years ago I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to say it but ….. I’m happy.  

Life is way different than I expected it to be as that “young person just jumping into all things adult”. I’M different since 2008 and there’s still an empty place in my heart but heartache and grief had to give way to life and joy.  For those not as far along in their grief journey as I am, be encouraged – it can get better!  I say ‘can’ because time doesn’t heal all wounds (as we often hear) if we dig in our heals and stay put.  Moving forward won’t happen if we’re constantly looking backward.  Mourning will not turn into joy if we convince ourselves it’s wrong to be joyful.  We can do it!  We can still be happy and vibrant useful members of the human race!  It doesn’t happen at the flip of a switch, but it happens.  It should happen.  We will always hold those we love close to our heart and being happy without them does not mean we didn’t love them or they no longer matter.  It means we are still alive and have a purpose and we don’t want to squander our time!

On Sunday as my heart was reminiscing, I listened as our entire church enthusiastically sang:  You turn mourning to dancing, You give beauty for ashes, You turn graves into gardens, You’re the only one who can. (Isaiah 61:3) 

Fifteen years ago I could not have sung those words joyfully.  I did not feel them.  I knew the truth of them, but had no heart to declare them.  Today I do.  True to His promise, Jesus didn’t leave me to flounder on my own, He has been with me every step of the way.  He has been my dance partner while I wept, pointed out the beauty that is simply hidden by ash and shown me good things can grow in some very unlikely places.  I am so grateful!  

Grief is normal.  It is even good.  It’s just not meant to be a permanent place to stay.  Walking out of grief is a minute-by-minute process and everyone’s climb out is different.  But you don’t have to do it alone.  You, too, have a dancing partner in your mourning who can show you beauty in the ashes and help you grow a lively garden!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6